Tear in the heart

It's been weeks since my last current post I know, I'm sorry about that but I never said this would be a perfect start-up. I also mainly am writing today to get stuff out kind of like a self therapy session. Love, whether that be for family, friends, partner or significant someone in your life, the fact of the matter is that love is amazing and beautiful. Love hurts and I feel like society builds a false fantastical view on love and that happily ever after. Love and human connection I believe are essential for growth and life and we cannot survive without it. But the more of yourself you give to someone the more potential that person has to hurt you. Now I'm not saying that everyone is like that or that it's always the same level of hurt. It varies depending on the person and how stable and secure you your bond with that person is. I in this instance am referring to the romantical sort of love. The kind that makes your better judgement just disappear when you hear their voice or look at their smile. That is what tears apart my heart . And I don't feel like going into detail about said person or the situation that has lead me to write this, but love just hurts. I guess that's all for now and probably will delve deeper into that subject of ... We will call him x at a later date. Just not feeling it now. Have a wonderful day my imaginary and loyal audience.

From the top

Hello it has been close to four years since I have written anything on this blog that I made for school, and there in lies the mystery for why...it was school. Highschool as a matter of fact and highschool was not one of my fonder memories and as I read over my old posts it is apparent to whoever reads as well. I am now 22 and obviously a different person than I was in highschool, so let's take this blog experience from the top and do proper introductions so you all know if you ever read who I am in this moment. Also because I don't think I ever really did an intro to myself the first time I wrote on here. HELLO you can call me saudade it wasn't my name before and I don't know how it has changed because I didn't change it but I like the ring of it. I am here again to write simply what I feel like writing and to express things I feel need to be said for me or for others if you feel particularly connected to something I say. I am 22 if you missed that before and I am trying to figure out my life which I think is something everyone goes through at one time or another. I'm not sure where this will go but that's part of the fun about not knowing it drives you crazy but if you look for it there is beauty in the unknown.